WHAT DOES 150 POUNDS LOOK LIKE?
I never weigh myself. I know when I’m drinking too much Strongbow, eating too much dark chocolate and skipping WODs when my Lulu’s get tight and the inside liner fits my butt in an annoying way (4-way stretch: good, 2-way stretch: bad), when I no longer feel comfortable WODding without a shirt, or when I cringe at overhead squat pictures of myself. I’m kind of in that stage right now.
I feel like I’ve been in body metamorphosis-cycle since starting CrossFit + Paleo. I lost weight and size quickly in the first six months of this lifestyle (down to about 130 pounds one year ago when we opened CrossFit Incendia) and I’ve been getting bigger in the last 12 months as I’ve been WODding more (and eating more, I’m sure). I’m still very strict with my Paleo, I’d say 99%. (Before you Paleo-hate on me, you should know that I’m Celiac. Grains make me shit my pants. Dairy makes me wheeze AND shit my pants. Legumes light me up. No, thank you.) Even though I know that I shouldn’t be concerned with the number on the scale, I’m like every other woman out there – it can haunt me. On Saturday night someone asked me how much I weighed at our Paleo Party. I promptly went into the bathroom, stepped on the scale and saw a “150” and I promptly thought to myself, “Oh F*ck!” See, I remember what I looked like in my “Before” Pictures when I weighed 150 pounds. These pictures were taken by my friend Aimee at CrossFit Fury when I was just starting CrossFit and beginning my first Paleo Challenge. I did not like the way I looked or felt at this 150 pounds. It isn’t the actual number that affects me, it’s the way I felt about myself at that time. I did not like it.
I think every girl has a weight number that puts them in a tizzy. Yours might not be 150 and could be more or less. It’s personal and we all go through it in some degree no matter what the actual number is. See, BC (before CrossFit), when I didn’t like the way I looked I would a) smoke more so I would eat less or b) take diet drugs to force me to eat less or c) all of the above. Option c was most likely the option selected. After Saturday, I had decided that I was going to immediately sugar detox and take some fat burners. You see, I need to buy a new dress for the Anniversary Party and I can’t hate the way I look because of “the number.” I decided it was time to do something drastic! Then I thought about things rationally for a second, drove to the gym, and asked Brian to take pictures of me so I could compare both versions of my 150 pound self.
One thing that CrossFit has given me is acceptance of my body. I have decided that CrossFit and Paleo make my body the best version of itself that it can be. Beyond that, I might whine that my legs are getting big (Hello, Quadzilla….Trent, I’m coming for you!), I can’t wear jeans because of them and that dresses make me look like a boy without hips, but overall, I’m pretty happy with the way things have shaped up over the last 18 months. I’m 39 years old. I have two small children (ages 2 and 7). I was never an athlete in my life before CrossFit. I’ve had open heart surgery, two hernia repairs, my appendix removed, two C-sections, half my thyroid removed, I smoked for 20 years, have killer asthma, and I fractured my pelvis when I was 18. (Which, reminds me. Looking at the new pics, I’m thinking I look a little crooked and need to go see Dr. McCall to get that fixed up. Stat!) What I’m saying is, I’m not the best athlete in the gym. At all. Not even close. I don’t supplement and I probably only work out 3-5 times max per week. I’m ok with all of that.
All I ever wanted to was to look good in a bikini and chase my kids around; however, when that dreaded 150 pounds registered on the scale, I mentally backslid into my old ways. I’m so glad I had these new “After” pictures taken. I think I definitely look different while weighing the same amount. I know better and I still mentally beat myself up for a couple days. I encourage you TO STAY OFF THE SCALE! Girls, we’ve got to accept our bodies, no matter what the “number” is. I went from feeling good to feeling crappy in a matter of seconds because of that 150. So silly. Not happening again. Don’t let yourselves fall into “The Number Trap” either!